toomanyjumpers:

I feel like I have forgotten how to have fun. Like I suck the enjoyment out of everything. When I have conversations with people I apparently can only be serious and I respond to jokes or frivolity in such a way that it ruins the whole conversation for both of us. I don’t know when I became so…

I feel exactly the same. All I seem to do is sit around and complain all day (now for example, I cant even stop myself), Charles bares the brunt of this because most days he’s the only person I speak to (I must be such a joy to live with), but even in conversations with other people I find myself sliding into a monologue of how bored/skint/lonely I am and its awful. Even when on the rare occasions when we are invited out, the thought of actually getting ready, leaving the house and having to make small talk over drinks with ‘other people’ makes me feel sick, even though I’ve usually spent the whole week before complaining that we never go out, and then I spend most of the time hoping we can soon go home again so I can put my pyjamas back on and sulk…that or I drink so much I make myself sick….I miss falmouth so much I want to cry mostly. 

Phew…rant over